ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
