here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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