Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
