you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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