they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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