you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
