i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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