Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
