Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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