I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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