May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
