if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
