I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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