if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
