hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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