its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
