also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Small penises have feelings too.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
