If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
