I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
