Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
