If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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