I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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