It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
