But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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