i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
