I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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