btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
