did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
