that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
false alarm, still single
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