It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize