I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
