we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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