I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
