Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize