Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
