WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
