Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
