dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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