you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
