I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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