Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
