six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize