I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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