Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
