my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
