You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
