kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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