Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
