gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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