Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
