I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
