we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
