youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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