Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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