Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
