Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
