What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize