I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
