remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
