So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You made out with two different species that night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
