I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
