drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
