I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So here I am, sexting at work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
