i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
