Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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