i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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