Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
