Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
