i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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