Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The air was thick with penises
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
