literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
