i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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