You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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