I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
