Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i need some magic done to my vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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